Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Just a thought...

Holidays are over! Schools have started again. Home works and projects, assessments and assemblies are all coming up and making mundane life blissful by its sheer predictability. My kids occupy a lot of my brain and soul space. They make me laugh, they make me worry, even anguished and tearful, they are the reason of most of the things I do or decisions I take. My world revolves around these two kids completely. Maybe its not correct, maybe even not completely normal, maybe I am too involved.. but that's the state at the moment.

It started with them being too tiny to fend for themselves, and then it became a habit to look out for them, and then a pleasure to be a part of them. Long back I was asked by a friend, "What are you first, a woman, a wife or a mother?" I didn't have to think at all, I am confidently a mother first, the last two have no fixed place value I guess, they depend on the mood and the circumstances.

A recurrent thought lately is about women who leave their children for love. Who take the plunge and never look behind, or maybe they do and live in pain forever, who's to tell?. It could be a sad marriage or a genuine love that calls, it could be a frustrated existence, a stale relationship.. it could be any of these or something else, but does it justify leaving your kids, does anything justify, even death?

I do not believe in right or wrong, whatever can be dealt with is right for me. I am not moralistic or judgemental, and I also believe that love can happen, anytime any place, beyond age and marital status. But I cannot understand how a mother can turn away from her children in pursuit of her own happiness or dreams. It is possible, for it has happened many a times through each layer of society, but I fail to understand it. It takes a brave heart I am sure to live without the routine pleasures of grubby hands that make the home untidy, of home work left undone, of remarks in school books, of the numerous PTA meetings and the smiles that warm your heart in spite of the turmoils life throws at you.

To have dreams about myself is an option that my motherhood doesn't allow me. Does yours?