Monday, June 1, 2009

Through my eyes..


He was a lot of things to a lot of people. To me he was Baba. Never could call him anything else. My earliest memories of him are those of him taking me to school everyday. Hand in hand we went admiring flowers and turning each cloud into a particular character. The walk to the school always felt too short.

As I grew up, he was my playmate, my riding horse, my mannequin, my patient, my student, my confidant. My childhood days were filled to the brim by his jokes and by his songs.

As an adolescent, I shared his dreams. His vivid imagery brought many an illusive and abstract notion to perfect form. His laughter was my joy. He accepted my limited talent in the subject of his choice- Mathematics. I never realised for a very long time that as my private tutor, I had the most sought after professor of Engineering at one of the most reputed colleges of our country. He always came down to my level and made maths tolerable for me.

His romanticism, love of books and people, craze for films, adda, unbelievably child like joy at spooking me and my cousins in the dark, passion for football and rabindrasangeet, his story telling, his enthusiastic praise, all find an echo in me today. So does his contentment and peace.

An ambulance on the roads blaring away always scared me stiff, till the day he said ,"An ambulance takes the critical to the hospital in a jiffy so that they can get well and return home". My perspective towards the white van changed that day. I learnt, amongst a lot of things the pleasure of laughing with others rather than at others from him. I also learnt how to hide silly tears while watching a tearjerker and mushy Hindi film!! Yes, the trick was simple, to get out of the room just a few seconds before the film ended, I do it every time, works like magic!!


I loved him and everything associated with him. But it was short lived, maybe even if I had a complete life time it would still be short. I also understand that for every child, the pain of losing a parent is heart wrenching. I saw the suffering till it was unbearable. Eventually I prayed for his release, I let him go to a cloud we had booked for him. 16 years have passed today since I bid farewell, and yet the oozing wound stays just below the skin.

Life has moved on, and has brought many a pleasure in its course. But in every moment of utter joy, I miss his presence. I wish he had seen my kids, I wish he had played with them. Today as my kids joined their hands in silent prayer before his picture, I believed it reached the solitary cloud that still looks out for me over the desert sky.

43 comments:

Gymnast said...

Your description brings so many beautiful pictures to my mind. A beautiful ode to your father. I am sure he would be smiling down from the up above. Lovely.

PURN!MA said...

:) a beautiful tribute to your father.

Aw.S.M said...

Su thats a touching touching tribute to your dad. I m sure he s proud of you. I m sure he knows you are well and i m positive that very thought makes him smile everyday up there.

He mustve been an awesome dad coz there is no other way his daughter could be so Aw.S.M. Go on smile...after sucha touching post..a smile cant hurt.

Gr8 work as usual yaar..though it sux that my comment couldnt be no1.hmm..therz always next time eh.

luv
amith

Babli said...

I appreciate for the wonderful description and tribute to your father.Nobody can fill the place of father and mother.Excellent!

sujata said...

@Gymnast you are welcome to my blog. I believe he is smiling, thanks a lot.

@Purnima Thank you. waiting for your next post.


@Aw.S.M. you did make me smile..thanks and the Aw.S.M. thing is genuinely picking up. Yes there is always a next time!!

@Babli Thank you

amrit said...

:)

Aw.S.M said...

switch to mozilla...that should do. IE usually has hangups..mozilla ll work fine.

Suraj said...

Its very diificult to comment on something so personal but then couldnt stop myself from saying that you are the best...and i am sure your baba would agree with me.

Aw.S.M said...

not the most tech savvy u see...sorry abt that :)

sujata said...

@Amrit..am assuming thats a benign smile from you!! Thanks.

Suraj am so glad you came by, it means a lot to me.

sujata said...

@ Gymnast I visited your blog and loved your poetry, but am sorry, the settings did not permit me to post my comment. Do keep writing and if possible let me know how to go about posting a comment on your blog.

Nikki said...

It is lovely! Touch wood!

SGD said...

emotional and touching....such a beautiful tribute to your father....

Rush said...

u make me cry :(

The Things We Carried said...

I loved him and everything associated with him. But it was short lived, maybe even if I had a complete life time it would still be short.

I can't see to respond. Tears. He was man and a saint. The world needs babas like yours was. Their time on the earth with their children will always be far too short.

You share him, and recall his essence, hold him a little longer, as best as you can. And our hearts ache for your loss...

eye-in-sty-in said...

beautifully penned! loved ones live forever in our memory!

Chriz said...

lovely.. when we write stuffs about people close to us, we write with a lot of emotional bond.. and can see it very clearly here

sujata said...

Thanks @Nikki and @SGD.

@Rush am sorry for the tears.

Thanks @ the things we carried. I will hold him in my heart as long as i don't up that cloud. I know no other way.

Thanks @eye-in-sty-in and @Chriz

Aparna said...

There are so many memories of him, I don't know where to start. My best are when he imitated his father.I laughed so much that I invariably had stomach aches. I also remember his songs. Something I always wondered.. he was such a soft spoken person, did he ever shout at his students? or you?
He was what my daughter will now term as "cool dude" you were extremely lucky to have him as a father.

sujata said...

@Aparna, he was amazing at caricatures and mimicking, infact all of the brothers did that a lot and it was hilarious each time.He never shouted at me, but he was stern at times, and his annoyance showed on his face, that was enough for me to mend my ways! I have memories of his M.Tech students having a field day at our home, more of a friend than a task master to them I presume. Thanks a lot for sharing your memories of him here.

Pradip Biswas said...

Sujata
This blog I had read with diffculty as my vision was getting blurred with tears rolling out of my eyes. I felt the same pain as you long back and have the same feeling If he could see my children. My children often ask about him.
Thank you for visiting my blog. Please visit again.

toshali said...

very very very great it's just awsm
:):P

R. Ramesh said...

wonderfully written and quite touching..a daughter is a daughter is a daughter...and i have two..dad-daughter affection is something unique

sujata said...

Thanks @Pradip I understand what you mean.

Thanks Toshali I love you.

Thanks @Ramesh and yes a dad and a daughter is a puzzle that most moms can never solve..

Swati said...

Very touchy ...

Jyothi said...

Amazing!A perfect Tribute. Since I have no problems crying in public. I happily agree that I was reading this thru tears.

Kishore Choudhary said...

agree with toshali
awesome

sujata said...

Thanks @Swati good to see you after quite some time.

@Jyoti welcome on board. Thank you for your appreciation

@Kishore Thanks a lot.

Sumandebray said...

It is a great tribute from a daughter to her father. I had a lump in my throat as it took me back through the memory lanes. This year it was 16 years for me too that the strongest pillar of our life departed.
It is so true how great impact simple gestures of parents have in the child's mind and soul. I admire the simplicity yet the depth of your narration.

sujata said...

@Sumandebray thank you for your words.And you are welcome to my blog.At times it still feels 16 years he has been on a long tour..maybe will see him once again suddenly..one day.

Lavanya Naidu said...

I had to apply your simple trick of going out of the room, but to wipe my tears. very touching. My dad is so much like yours.

Gymnast said...

hey thank you sujata. Do drop by sometimes

Rinti said...

Hi didi,

Very touching!! The very vivid memories I have of Jethumoni is him saying and rather asking me to recite.." Ek ..dui..teen..char..5..6.7.8.9.10..haatey.."beep"...mukhey.."beep".....i am sure u know what I am talking abt.." He was a joy to be with...you wont imagine how many times he came to BBAY on tour..and seeing him waiting for me and ma near the gates(in case we weren't home),..from a distance..both Ma and me would mistake him for my baba..:)

Soumya said...

A beautiful ode to your father.
I can only imagine how it is for you. No matter how much time we have, it never feels enough. Also the void always remains.

On an aside, I really loved the new colour scheme and the header photo. The green you have chosen is one of my favourites; very pleasant.

Sujatha said...

Lovely, Sujata. What good fortune to have had a father like that. And your children are lucky because you knew a father like that. Hugs.

sujata said...

You are welcome here Lavanya. that trick is a saver!!

Hey Rintu, such a pleasure to see your comment. Thanks a ton for sharing the memories.

Thanks @Soumya, for your kind words and also for liking the new look of the blog.

Hey @sujatha good to have you back. How was your offline time? Thanks for the warm hug.

Indrani said...

Touching!
Great tribute to your dad!

ZiLliOnBiG said...

very moving writeup. compels me to think of and write something like this for my Mom.

ZiLliOnBiG said...

thanks for dropping by and for the wonderful comment. would drop often to read all your posts. cheers:))))

Dhanya said...

I'm a recent follower of ur blog and came to this post via the "You might also like:" link.. You said for every child, the pain of losing a parent is heart wrenching. I can so well identify to this.. I lost my dad 2 years back n mom 4 months back..

anilkurup said...

That was a moving 'eulogy' to a father.

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