Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A river and A storm...


At times I wonder, if it is possible for a mother to love one child a little less than the other. Its really a question that keeps coming back to me. Maybe because I am an only child, or maybe because my mind has nothing better to do. Whatever the reason, this question does nag me.

Both my kids are so different. The daughter- sincere, loving, open.. a chocolate that I can't ever have enough of. The son- a master story teller, always in motion, a brat with a smile to die for and a laugh that resonates throughout my house. He is my coffee, my daily stimulant. I can unwind with my daughter, relax in her company, read a book, share a moment, draw pictures together or just lie in bed listening to her talk softly about her day. I am perpetually on my toes with my son. Relax is probably a word he and I can't use when we are together. He pushes me to my limits. Every time I feel I have him in my grasp, he manages to climb the branch just above my reach.

Apparently for everybody who knows this family, I am partial to my daughter. Obviously, because all they see me do is shout my life out at my son. I am either running after him, or threatening him, or lashing out at his untidy work. I myself am not sure. Its true that life is easy with Toshali and quite difficult with Soumya. Its also true that after a long day when my son sleeps peacefully, he evokes emotions that are beyond words. If I admire sincerity in one, I have to admit that I admire boundless energy in the other.

Both are my eyes, both are my dreams. One a river flowing gently, the other a ship on high seas. Is it possible to love a dream less? I still am looking for answers.

34 comments:

Aw.S.M said...

Brilliant post yaar, brilliant post. Well i geenrally think though moms love both their kids, there is always a slight partiality to one.
At my place, i know for sure that i m the apple of mom's eye and i guess everyone who knows us knows that too. Not that she doesnt luv my sis but i guess being the first child, i ve shared more time with her. :)

i believe u know who ur fav is..its evident in the writing. :) . But thats only normal..dont fret. ;-)

luv
amith

Babli said...

Thanks for your comment.
I liked this post so much that I cannot express you in words. I got fully engrossed into it. Though I have two brothers but as I am the favourite child being the only daughter. I appreciate you for your excellent post.

PURN!MA said...

your blog is very welcoming!

dunno! ask my mom..maybe she'll let u know! I've been trying since I learnt to talk! just when I start believing her inclination towards my elder brother, she steers in my way. I love her.

I'm sure you love both your children equally... just their qualities for what you like each is different. you can't prioritize only one of them.

sujata said...

hey Amith, on time this time!! I think somehow..the trick lies in making each one of the kid believe that he/she is the apple of the eye.Ok as per this post and the links to toshali and soumya who do you think is my fav?

Thanks Babli for sharing that bit of your childhood with us. I always look forward to your comment.

Thanks @Purnima for liking the blog.Am most of the time in my sane mind telling myself i love them both(which is 100% true)equally(which I doubt). But there are crazy moments when..

Aparna said...

Have a sneaking suspicion who you prefer but I am not telling!And BTW
what a difficult question to ask a mom. I feel we are partial to our younger ones in the begining simply because they are small and more helpless, but as soon as they grow up, its back to equality.

Chriz said...

my research work is on management psychology...

and as a part of my research i spent a year on parental upbringing...

and i learnt that, yes it is possible for mothers to have a higher % of liking to one of their kids..

the children of west doesnt bother much, cos the emotional bond whithers away due to cultural influence..

but Indian kids do take things to heart... try finding out from your son's young toddler friends on whether he thinks that you are partial to his sister.. he might have a point there..

cos even if parents think that they are treating both their kids equally, the kids also should feel the same thing.. at the same time, it would be so difficult to treat both the kids the same way, especially when the girl is calm and soft and the boy is nutty and hyper.. parents should strike a balance..

achieving a balance now will help parents to have a good relationship with their kids when they reach teenage...

i don't have world wisdom to speak on this topic, nor i am married... but my research has helped me understanding this concept on a deeper basis..

Thanks for sharing this thought..

SGD said...

This was such a beautiful post...almost lyrical!

eye-in-sty-in said...

Yep - its possible to have love a kid more. But the trick is to not let the kid know.

Soumya said...

A beautiful post.
I think that you don't love them unequally, you love them differently. And when they are different, it is hard to quantify and compare. Honestly, I don't think you should compare love.
I am sure you love both of them with all your heart, no matter what appearances might be.

sujata said...

@Aparna I think you know right.

@Chriz thanks a lot for your suggestions. I am sure competing for a mother's love is painful.

Thanks @SGD am waiting for your next post.

hey @Eye-in-Sty-in Thanks for blog rolling. The heart cannot love a child less, but the manifestation at times is apparently unequal..

@soumya you are welcome here. very well said that love cannot be compared. Whatever it might seem, I love them both differently and different times coz of different attributes..just hope that they know it too.

अनिल कान्त : said...

एक माँ अपने हर बच्चे को कितना चाहती है ये उसे भी नहीं पता ...हाँ उसका जुडाव हर बच्चे से अलग रूप में होता हो ...ऐसा संभव है ...लेकिन एक को कम और दूसरे को ज्यादा ...ऐसा नहीं होता ...क्योंकि हर बच्चे का स्वाभाव अलग होता है इसी लिए माँ का नजरिया और प्यार करने का स्वरुप और जुडाव जुदा हो सकता है

satish kundan said...

nice post...who's lovely; sun or doughter It is difficult to decide for a mother.....sujata ji i liked this post so much!!!

Sapna Anu B.George said...

Totally enjoyed reading,Sujatha.

Sharad Sharma said...

Both are my eyes, both are my dreams. One a river flowing gently, the other a ship on high seas. Is it possible to love a dream less? I still am looking for answers.This is high quality expression..absolutely loved it to the core.Take a bow :)

Cheers,
Sharad
Medley

kochuthresiamma p j said...

lovely post!
love cannot be graded.nor measured. especially parents' love for the children. as years go by you will discover hitherto unknown dimensions of this love.

Tripti said...

Dear Sujata,

Very nice post,was a bit busy so could'nt reply buti came here to inform you about your suggesstion,writing about my son, I am working on it will post soon.

Rajesh said...

Very realistic post. No 2 siblings will be same. The younger one will be more naughty.

bluebird said...

"is it possible to love a dream less.."

I wish I had said that..

Sucharita Sarkar said...

I guess all mothers with two or more kids would have shared your dilemma at some point of time, ncludng me.

And as you say, the answer is not more or less, but in variations of love of the same heart-wrenching intensity.

sujata said...

@Anil you have really put it nicely. Each child is truly different and so our expression of love is different. Thanks.

Thanks @Satish ,@ Sapna and @Sharad for coming on to the blog and liking the post.

sujata said...

Thanks @kochuthresiamma p j really understand what you mean.

Hey @Tripti thanks for taking up the suggestion. I will wait for your post.

@Rajesh and @Bluebird welcome on board. Come back again.

Yes @Sucharita, it makes me realise I am capable of loving that what's not even close to me temperamentally. LOve the storm to the hilt!! Didnt know that about me till my son was born!!

Kishore Choudhary said...

very very nice post, i liked it all the way.

sujata said...

Thanks @Kishore have updated the play list.

nsiyer said...

Beautiful and nostalgic. My mother calls me and my brother her two eyes. I have a son and a daughter, and my son always tells me I love my daughter more. Its not possible, tom both are special in their own ways. I love them both in my own ways.

Rajeev R said...

Absolute Brilliance, Must Say!

Especially, I loved the maggie post, and the abuse post....

they were marvellous!

Raj
http://bharatmelange.blogspot.com

sawan said...

Too young to answer tht qns :)

Toshali is a cool name! wut does it mean?

Nikki said...

My mom can never answer this! Awesome post. very insightful!

sujata said...

@nsiyer and @rajeev welcome on board. thanks for liking the post.

Thanks @sawan. Toshali is mythical river that flowed through Orissa long ago. Its also a name thats derived from the hindi word 'Tusht' which means to quench one's thirst for anything..

Thanks @Nikki hahha am sure your mom loves you both equally!!

sawan said...

wow, interesting :)

Ms. Neha Gandhi said...

very nice post...
i loved the metaphors u used...my mom will have a 100 things that she could relate to with ur post...
:)

sujata said...

Thanks Neha, you are welcome here.

Rush said...

this post touches me..i m not a mother but can totally resonate, loved ur expression :)

Sujatha said...

This is a question for the ages. Not sure anyone has the answer.

Indrani said...

Have to catch up with your posts.
Aashaa korchchee bhalo aachcho!

Thanks for the loveliest comment dear!