Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Haplessly hopeless...

Yesterday started off normally enough. I managed to get both my brats ready on time for their school bus. Came back to the house and saw that the hubby was almost ready to leave for work. Just as he was almost out of the door, I remembered an important thing that I had to mention else it would be late.. "There's no grocery." and a little later and a few decibels lower.. "not even rice." Carefully note the positions we were in.. He was outside the front door and I was inside ready to close it any moment. The look that followed was enough to burn me in hell if it was the age of righteousness. Thank god for sinners and kalyug. No time so the verbal assault didn't follow.. lucky me! I even managed a grin, he just turned and left. Please note this situation is not a first time thing in my house, I generally am very efficient and consistent in forgetting the basic things till the very last moment. I blame it on my genes.

Well after the peaceful parting of the morning I had my coffee and then started with whatever work had to be done around the house. by mid morning I was feeling quite guiltless and managed to call up the hubby at the office with a plan.

ME: "You know, I was thinking, that the kids and me will manage lunch with whatever is there..."

HE: "Whatever is there meaning??"

ME:"Oh you know, we love maggi, there are eggs, I can boil them.."

HE: "Huh.. hmm"

ME:(knowing that he was still pissed off), "I was thinking we could probably eat something outside for dinner and then do the groceries."

HE: "I have a football match today."

ME:" Ok, yah, after the match, we will be ready to leave as soon as you are home."

HE:" Hmm"

That was so simple. I was relieved. The mood was great I even made a list of stuff that needed to be bought, as a practice I don't do it... but this time I did, a nice systematic and proper list.. no wastage of time at the mall. It was almost time for my son to come home.

The bell rang and I opened the door. And what have I got in front of me? My 6 year old, thin as a stick boy, with his shirt, pants, belt everything in place except his undies, which he is proudly swinging on his fingers. My brain fell dead. Alarm bells of all varieties going berserk. My eyes must have spewed venom. For I noticed that his pride was instantly transformed into something akin to a sheepish look, which was again quickly followed by his eyes looking to the floor and then behind him to see if he was going to be spanked in front of his friends or alone, because by then he must have been sure about the outcome of his actions. Being a good mom and a funny one is alright, but yesterday was different. I pulled him in with such a jerk that he started his story immediately.

HE: "Mamma, I didn't do this."

ME: "Who? who? who did this then? who did this then?" I was shouting so loud, my throat actually hurt.

HE: "No , no mamma , wait, I'll tell you..I mean.."

It was clear by his look that he was fast thinking of a suitable tale which would calm my nerves, but was being totally at a loss of either a tale or words.

HE:"Yah mamma, actually I did susu in the pants and so.."

ME:" Who are you fooling big man? your pants are dry, and even if you did.. what made you remove your undies in public? Don't you have any shame? What were you trying to prove? Is this what has been taught to you? And why on earth were you swinging that blasted thing on your fingers?"

By this time I was feeling drained of all my energy and my throat was getting dry. I was also realising that I was hugely over reacting. And didn't know how to back track. So was quiet for sometime and started to fiddle with his school bag. He obviously took this opportunity to be a good boy and bolted for the bathroom. I felt like a having a cool shower myself. Instead took a few deep breaths and told myself this was not a panic situation and my son was not a roadside romeo yet.. there was still hope. He came out after his bath looking like an innocent victim of some tragic drama, and kept giving me 'I adore you mamma' looks. So then I again in a normal voice tried asking what had made him do what he did? With the room much cooler now and he in between spoon fulls of maggi told me that he was trying out what Govinda did in a flick we had seen a few days back on dvd, some old movie that he reminded me I had found immensely funny. Even laughed out loud when Govinda did the same thing on screen. So that was it. End of conversation and a stupid look on my face till the point my son finished his maggi and went to take his nap.

Then it was the daughter who returned from school. This was easy. she came in and started off with all that had happened at school, including how easy her test was that day. Finally she was done with removing her school wear and getting into nice cool home wear, and we both sat down for our meal. My kids really love maggi. And she, poor thing thought that I had made it as a surprise treat for them, instead of the daily rice and fish routine. I just smiled and remembered to add maggi to the grocery list.

Switch to evening.

Son gets up. he and I do his homework in peace and he goes out to play with his friends who by the way give me strange looks as they wait for him to join them. Anyways forget. Tommorow is Toshali's last exam, and its computers so hardly much to study, shes already done with her homework and revising for the test. Meanwhile Hubby comes in from work and is happily greeted . He doesn't show any memories of the morning. Gets his foot ball gear in place has a glass of lassi and says while he is leaving, "Will be back in 2 hours be ready else will be late, tommorow is a working day." Before I can reply, he is out of the door. So I now sit with my daughter to question her for her test. And quite unlike her..she looks all lost. This was seriously a bad day for me. I give her some more time but again nothing.. the same confusion and blabbers instead of confident answers.

ME: "Whats wrong? Tommorow is the test, why on earth are you clarifying your doubts with me now? haven't we made a timetable for each subject? doesn't computers show up in that?

SHE: I didn't study thinking it was easy. Practicals is so easy but theory I cant put in words the steps to use for formatting a document.

ME: "Obviously if the entire day you are sitting on the comp watching Hannah Montana videos and stupid musicals, how on earth will you find theory easy? Why didn't you sit with me before?

SHE:" Iam sorry."

Smart kid, knows exactly what will make me stop. Hmmmmph !! Well cant say much to that so ranting and raving I had to do the entire portion with her from scratch. In the meantime hubby and son had long returned. Hubby was insane with hunger,(football on grass field !!), was sitting on the couch with a box of cookies, and the son was overjoyed by my shouts, which were not directed towards him this time. So he kept running around the rooms in a frenzy. And kept giving a running commentary of the happenings of the study room to his dad. This was further aggravating his sister, who I think started scheming on ways to get back to him rather than what I was teaching her. So she became noticeably slower. By the time this bout of frenzied running and studying and cookie eating finally ended it was almost 9:00pm.

I had a quick dosa in mind and then the list of shopping. Mind you my day had been exhausting and I didn't even change into a proper outdoor kind of dress. All of us just went and sat in the car. Hoping for a quick meal. And where does the car stop? right in front of an extremely posh kebab and curry place that has a proper sit down buffet, and all the suitable elegance associated with it. This was the cherry. the kids needless to say were overjoyed, middle of the week treat. Hubby was hungry so kebabs were the thing on his mind. I was looking like a bai and feeling mighty upset.

ME: "I am not suitably dressed for this place."

HE: "Whats there to dress, we have come to eat".

ME:" Yah but still, I was thinking dosas and grocery.."

HE: "I am not thinking groceries at all"

Well ,well, well, Finally though we did have a super dinner, am not too much into dressing up, so the thought went out quickly from my head and I started enjoying the meal.

Finally all's well that tastes well!!

Please note, by the time we finished it was quite late and more importantly after that meal we could not have walked down aisles to save our souls. So just managed the rice and went back home. So my list is ready for today evening.

I am still a bit old fashioned and like doing the grocery in the company of the hubby. he shops, while I head towards the books section!!

And I also have a feeling that I have just managed to lose the "greatest Momma ever" award or even the "Best Homemaker award"!! Maybe if there's a category on self mockery..hmm just a thought!!